Dabbling in Consumerism

Late last fall and early winter three things happened that made me rethink things. Rethink things to the point that it may ruin my junkman cred.

The first was that Stormie the Trail Dog chased off after a sound in the night. Instinct prompted my grabbing the pistol, just in case it was a black bear, cat, coyote, or wolf she might be foolishly pursuing. But the accompanying flashlight was nowhere to be found.

I raced out into the dark of night and over a drop off, plunging to the bottom. The pain was incredible, it seemed my legs did not want to move, and I dragged myself back up to the top and back to the cabin using only my arms. There was no actual paralysis, but the pain of a broken rib and being banged up from the fall tricked me into feeling that there was.

A rather arduous healing process convinced me that I was no longer a spring chicken and maybe, just maybe, was also no longer invincible.

The second was that the Ting Quad, my vintage 1999 Suzuki ATV, simply quit running and at a most inopportune time.

The third was looking out over this amazing homestead created within the majestic Northwoods and realizing that it was beginning to look like a junkyard that could make Fred Sanford cringe.

“Dad”, my son intervened, “you are out there by yourself relying on pieces of junk for your existence. Some day we are going to find you frozen to death in snowbank next to a broken-down piece of shit”. That was a not so far-fetched point.

Old Yeller, my hand-me-down 1978 Ford plow truck had no operational brakes since the middle of the Obama years and the cab became so rusty that pushing the clutch pedal to floor produces no disengagement but jacks the floating cab about a bit. Stops were achieved by killing the ignition or snuffing the engine.

Except for the roadless first winter-and-a-half relying on a 2003 Skidoo Tundra and the Ting Quad for access into the homestead, Old Yeller and a 1980 John Deere track loader have been relied upon to keep the half mile long way in open for winter access.  There have been a few sketchy and wild times, but overall, they performed admirably.

The freakish nearly snowless winter of ‘23/’24 produced the lowest prices and greatest availability of new snowmobiles since the advent of the pandemic. The market dynamics had shifted so much towards the consumer that I began to look at that old Tundra in a more realistic light.

A shiny new Polaris Voyageur 155 with a freakishly long track and almost comically wide flotation skis found a place in the garage and the vintage Tundra found a new home with a vintage Tundra aficionado.

Does one truly need a shiny new Polaris snowmobile? Well, not really.

But there are times most winters when the way out becomes snowbound or blocked by a piece of broken-down equipment, and it is sure nice having a snowmobile to get into town for a part or some anti-gel and fresh diesel fuel. But riding a snowmobile down a snowmobile trail for the sake of riding a snowmobile down the trail is not fun for me. However, riding overland to quickly cover some ground to get to a back country adventure or snowshoe excursion, or to get out on the ice to visit with those out ice fishing truly makes the snowy six months of the year most enjoyable.

And this was my first new snowmobile, ever.

Most folks get a buyer’s high when making a purchase, but my reaction is the exact opposite. There always is intense buyer’s remorse, even before making a purchase. Knowing this, I looked carefully at the weak links in the stuff that supports this out-in-the-sticks lifestyle. With a bout of buyer’s remorse from the Polaris already in play, the timing was ripe to commit to a rather large purchase that would eliminate at least three very integral pieces of junk from the fleet.

I bought a Can-Am six-wheel drive UTV and a heavy-duty vee-scoop action snowplow for it.

The 6×6 has proven to be a very capable workhorse and has replaced two smaller ATVs and Old Yeller. It tackles every imaginable task thrown at it. At first the cargo box seemed awkwardly large for a UTV, but that copious size soon proved its worth when making firewood. No longer is it necessary to wedge my late model Ford Ranger pickup between the trees to perform the larger tasks, as in most cases is the 6×6 is at least capable and often is more so. It also doesn’t dent.

So, the fleet has been upgraded and downsized and some old junky friends have found new homes. Hopefully I did my homework well and bought the most capable and reliable snowmobile and UTV possible and they will be fun tools that last the rest of my life.

And now might be a good time to repair the accumulated dents in the Ranger.

There still are, however, a few junkyard dalliances in the garage, if for no other reason than to keep life interesting. A neglected cast-off snowcat trail-groomer is being refurbished and this winter will be an interesting experiment in keeping the accumulated snowbanks pushed back. Old Yeller the plow truck is now officially retired and is currently on life support. But his heart, the mighty and trusty Ford 300 six under his rusty hood, will be transplanted into the 1965 Ford Econoline Western Hemisphere Traveler Hippy Van.

Downsizing and focusing on two new things and a mere two additional pieces of junk rather than trying to keep a three-ring circus of junk going should still provide plenty of excitement. Reports to follow!